


John's Great Adventures!

by Lisa_Love



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, I Blame Tumblr, M/M, Please Kill Me, and he is a slut, i also blame hussie, johns name is john bovi, seriously this is crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-26 02:50:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4987213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisa_Love/pseuds/Lisa_Love
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welcome to Fuck Shit Up Academy. Where you'll learn that Johns name is no longer John Egbert, but John Bovi. And Dave is his senpai. Rose Lalonde is a demon sacrificer, Jade Harley likes to make her own weed, and Karkat just has a giant black dildo up his ass like he normally does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John's Great Adventures!

"Uh Jade?" 

"WHAT?! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M HAVING BONDING TIME WITH MY WEED JOHN??!" Screeched Jade as took in another long breath of the drug before puffing it out onto Johns face. 

"Uh, well..you know..its Rose." He said as he lifted his finger and pointed to Rose. She was carrying a baby lamb before setting it down on a satanic pentagram. She cut the neck of the baby lamb, silencing it. 

"Oh yeah," Jade said in a deep gruff voice. "Her sacrificing random things in my garden makes my weed taste better. NOW FUCK OFF JOHN!" 

He looked over at Rose, who's eyes rolled back into her head and started to chant in a demonic voice. John slowly slid away and ran.

John walked onto the seemingly empty street and sighed. "When will Dave-senpai notice me?" 

"HE NEVER WILL FUCKASS!!!" Karkat screamed from his window. 

"WILL YOU SHUT UP I'M TRYING TO HAVE AN ANIME MOMENT!" John yelled back. 

"BETTER WATCH OUT!" Karkat yelled one final time before slamming his window shut. 

'Huh?' That was the last thought John ever had. 

(( LOL JK NO U WISH ))

He felt his back connect to the hard concrete of the road and hearing nothing as he stared at his senpai above him. His mouth was moving but he couldn't hear anything. John finally snapped out of it. "Wait what?" 

"I said, are you ok little kohai?" Dave-senpai repeated.

John blushed. Dave picked him up and set him down on his fart looking ass cloud and flew away. 

Dave suddenly was super ripped and had super sayian hair. A few feet away was Jade wearing an eyepatch and had an old timers smoke thing in her mouth. She was riding on a small boat with the front having a goats head. 

Rose flew out of the goats head and had 2 eyepatches covering both of her eyes. She pulled out a large machine gun and started to shoot at the fart cloud. Dave put up a force field but was stupid enough not to put one up around the fart cloud. 

They both fell and crashed through a roof. When the smoke cleared John saw Karkat on his bed with no pants on, trying to shove a large black dildo up his ass. John screamed and covered his eyes. 

Dave suddenly started to have sex with Karkat and soon John joined in. After they were done they had a fun sleepover with Terezi coming out from under the bed and made everyone lick crayons.

**Author's Note:**

> please kill me im sinning


End file.
